Be a rebel. Be a mum.
Considering motherhood as a vocation? I did.
I remember sitting in a University tutorial at age 20. The academic leading the class that day was particularly feminist leaning- and though I can’t remember what exactly she was urging us women to do in regards to our careers, I remember being well aware that my statement was undermining her cause - cheekily whispering to my class-mate, who I didn’t know at all;
‘I’m just here till I can find a husband.’
she grinned back at me,
‘Me too!’
How rebellious were we?!
I really had no serious drive or ambition for a career. I didn’t know what I could or should do to earn a living and really wasn’t that interested in the whole bizzo. But even in the early 2000’s it was clear this wasn’t socially acceptable anymore.
I didn’t care. I knew what I wanted; to meet a wonderful man and fall in love, and most importantly, for him to fall in love with me. Which seemed, at that point, the most fantastical impossible dream to me.
During my university days my life revolved around social catch ups and coffee dates. PEOPLE were the focus of my time and energy, everything else was just filling up space. I was doing my duty to society by looking purposeful, like I had a plan for my future. I did! But it wasn’t one that required a university degree! Honestly though, I’m pleased to have a degree under my belt none the less, and at that stage I didn’t know whether or not I would get married, so I did need to have a plan B in motion… ;)
The summer I was wrapping up my writing degree was the summer love bloomed. After years of wondering and hoping and dreaming, my dreams were truly realised when a godly man fell for ME?! How wonderful! It was a whirlwind courtship (yes, he even asked me ‘may I court thee’!) of 6 weeks, engagement of 6 months, married and the following Saturday we relocated to Darwin for Shane to start his first teaching placement.
The next 14 months was learning a new way of life in a new place. I followed Shane to school, what else was I to do one week after marriage and no job of my own?! They ended up giving me a paid role a few days a week. Again, it was a good time filler but low in my priority, I had no interest in finding more work, I wanted to fill up all my free time being with Shane, and there was no need financially for me to work more.
And then I was pregnant.
It was a shock. In my dreams of falling in love and marriage I always knew I wanted a family and probably a large one… but the reality of having kids seemed in the distant future and wasn’t really my focus. I wasn’t particularly a ‘kids’ person. I didn’t have much experience in that regard. It was a big unknown. I was terrified. I felt I didn’t know how to be a mum. I went under the blankets and cried.
The day came to give birth. It was awful! I won’t go into it, suffice to say I remember considering at one point if death was an option would I take it? It was hard to say. But then suddenly, the torture was over and everything was quiet.
A tiny little bundle (She was only 2.5kg!) was put on my chest. My eyes had been clenched tight, shut for hours it seemed, in my own world of pain. Now I opened them and looked at my daughter. She was quiet and looked back at me. I knew in that moment, overwhelmingly; I was born to be a mother.
Many years have passed since that precious day (that I like to call the worst and best day of my life! Haha) I have been blessed with 5 more children. My vocation has been motherhood. I know this is my calling and the primary focus of my life.
8 years into motherhood and 3 more children in tow, my husband and I transitioned into full time ministry (between the two of us). We’ve been in ministry ever since. I’ve dabbled in small business and side jobs here and there, but by and large my focus is solely on people, community, my family and the larger family of God. I see pastoring as mothering the wider community, so it fits nicely into my vocational role!
Something I realised when I was a young mum with very little children, away from my family in Adelaide and very lonely at times; how much it meant to me when older mums made time for me. I also realised how very busy everyone is. Those that do extend their embrace and care to those outside their immediate family do so at a cost and have little extra to offer. I thought then, ‘when I’m an older mum, I’m going to be available for other mums.’
If everyone in the community is working full time as well as juggling the needs of a family, truly there is little to nothing left for the building up of the wider community and being there for those who really do need extra support. Now I’m not saying EVERY mother is called to focus on motherhood and community alone, of course not! There are so many different circumstances and things at play that call for the juggle, and God equips where he calls. I just want to put it forward that not EVERY MOTHER is called to do both. Some of us are intended to lay down other work roles and just be ‘Mum’ for our kids and for the sake of supporting other families/people in our community. We need to seek God and be open to hearing what he is asking of us and not assume we know, or blindly copy the pattern of the world.
And let’s also remember; we don’t have to squeeze EVERYTHING we feel called to do in life into one season!!
I want to challenge and encourage others to consider; is there something God wants me to let go of that I might be freed up to help others? That may look like a couple less hours of work a week, or giving up work altogether, or trading up one more extracurricular activity in the week just to be available for coffee for someone who needs a little love.
I’d like to add; if we are being obedient to Him he will meet our needs! I say that with confidence; between us, Shane and I have rarely worked more than 1 full time job in 20 years of marriage and 6 kids to provide for, yet we have always had abundant provision, praise God.
I want to specifically encourage those women reading this whose hearts really do desire to be mothers and honestly aren’t that interested in jobs or careers. I want to affirm you! That is a godly and beautiful desire! You are not being lazy or negligent if you desire to focus all of your strength and energy on the home! True, the world does not value this like it used to. You will probably be misunderstood and at times feel left out, but it is a godly and glorious calling to be a mother, and if you desire to spend most of your life focused on this- How good is that?! And you deserve all the ‘go get em’ girl’s as well!
There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t have career ambitions! Your vocation and calling may be different to those around you. We are all designed different. Embrace your calling and ask God to show you YOUR path, don’t listen to the world that says; ‘it’s not enough’ or that other paths will give more value to your life than children, honestly it’s a lie, As Dr. John Trainer so powerfully put it;
“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
The world tells us, in so many ways, that children are a distraction. They are a problem to fix, something to avoid or put off to a better time. A financial burden, a risk, a strain on body and relationships. A barrier to career advancement. The warnings and recommendations and advice are loud and clear. Having children doesn’t often make ‘sense’, and you will be especially discouraged to start young.
However, we are not to conform to this world. We lean in and listen to a different story. Follow the pattern of our maker. If you are called to motherhood lean into it. Let it undo and redo you! There’s a death and a loss (of self) with motherhood but there’s a birth too, not just of children but of the you- you become when you give your life to the life of others.
This life laid down becomes the home and safe place for children to grow up in. To be nurtured and nourished by. Someone needs to be THERE. To be available and present. The losses incurred will be restored multiplied many times over, and not just in your own children. Vocational motherhood is intended to extend to many others! The world needs more mothers to help nurture and heal broken hearts. To remind them they are seen and loved and have someone to lean on in hard times. This is a powerful proclamation of the gospel in action.
Be a rebel!
Let motherhood be redeemed in you.